[funny] Blue Staters and Red Staters and Texans; State of the Union; Classical Music USMC Style

Published Date Author: , January 18th, 2012

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To All Who Shall See These Presents, Greetings! Dateline: 17 January 2012 January 17, 1706 is the date on which Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston, Massachusetts, and today is the 306th anniversary of his birth. He died on 17 April 1790 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Franklin is known as “The First American.” As is often quoted, “At the close of the Constitutional Convention, a woman asked Benjamin Franklin what type of government the Constitution was bringing into existence. Franklin replied, ‘A republic, if you can keep it.’” On Tuesday, 6 November 2012, that republic will conduct its 57th quadrennial presidential election — not bad for an Idea that none of the Founders thought would actually last past the 1830′s…! Woo-hoo! As Franklin’s contemporary and friend, Thomas Jefferson, once said and still rings true today, “The issue today is the same as it has been throughout all history, whether man shall be allowed to govern himself or be ruled by a small elite.”

Blue Staters and Red Staters and Texans

Question How do you tell the difference between a man from a Blue State, a Red State, and Texas? Answer Pose the following question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 20, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Blue Stater’s Answer: Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911? Why is this happening anyway? Capitalism and global warming must be the cause. And, why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint-and-weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Red Stater’s Answer: BANG!

Texan’s Answer: BANG! BANG! — BANG! BANG! BANG! — BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click-Clack (sound of ejecting clip and loading second clip) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click (sound of ejecting second clip) Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips or Black Talon hollow points?” And so it goes….

And here’s a bonus One cannot know when some important event will happen on a specific date that will go down in history as an auspicious occasion. For example, this year both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address are scheduled on the same day. This is an ironic juxtaposition of events, and perhaps one that will cause the White House to change the State of the Union address date, since one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication. And…., …The other involves a groundhog.

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