[inspirational] Ten Tips for 2011

Author: TinyTimbly, January 5th, 2011

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TEN TIPS FOR 2011

1. Stay out of trouble.

2. Aim for greater heights.

3. Stay focused on your job.

4. Exercise to maintain good health.

5. Practice team work.

6. Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back. Take your time trusting others.

7. Save for rainy days.

8. Rest and relax.

9. Always take time to smile.

AND

10. Realize that nothing is impossible.

This should make you smile:

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’ ‘98,’ she replied, ‘Two years older than me’ ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented. She responded , ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: ‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked. She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia ; Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore; Can’t remember if I’m 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff I n my shopping cart says, ‘ For fast relief.’

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing!!!

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