November 13th, 2009 Benedict home update and tim’s musings (finally…) (via postie)

Published Date Author: , March 24th, 2010

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November 13, 2009

Dear Friends,

I am not sure where to start, as is often the case when I sit down to write these newsnotes. But this time it is for several different reasons than normal. Yes, I lot has happened that have revealed Gods fingerprints to us, but other stuff has happened as well, and I am just not sure what all to share…

1. Home life and housing. 2. Dreams 3. Tims musing of the day

1. Home life continues.

Sergei is dealing with court ordered consequences of some poor decisions he has made over the last several months, including a car wreck where alcohol and drugs were involved, that he is lucky to have walked away from. In the midst of it, his heart is being torn in several different directions by several different things. A lot of it deals with him trying to find his own identity as a boy transitioning to manhood. But he is making progress, and I am proud of him in many ways. But pray for him as he continues this transition.

The others in the family are all growing as well, and each one is definately developing into their own person. And we continue to touch kids in the community through the friends that each of our children brings through our home. One of them was baptised last week at church after making a public declaration that she had given Jesus her life, a girl that I remember from several years ago being a very lost little girl when she first passed through our family doors. There was an incredibly deep sense of satisfaction and peace to know that we had had a small part in this young girls movie in her process of dealing with her hidden pains and torments, to eventually finding life peace and freedom in a relationship with Jesus.

We do have 4 teenagers in the home now, and that keeps life interesting. But it is also good. I find myself disappearing into the hot tub at night often, just to unwind from the day and everything going on.

As for our housing, the auction sale on the house we are in was first postponed from May 15 to September 14, due to clerical errors in the process. Then it was delayed to October 13 for reasons unknown. Then delayed again till November 10. Now it has been delayed yet again until Dec 8th. So this is fourth time the auction has been delayed. The Lords Prayer that tells us to pray each day for our daily bread, has taken on new meaning for us as we thank God monthly for a roof over our heads, and pray for each month as it comes. We have received unexpected help from several places, and we are thankful for it.

Several weeks ago, I innocently asked God to somehow let me attend a Christian hard rock concert coming to town, featuring a group that I really enjoy. But tickets were expensive, so I had resigned myself not to go. Then my daughter Ruthie happened to discover that the local Christian radio station was giving out free tickets to the show to anyone that would come help set up and tear down the stage/lights/sound/etc. She told me about it, because a group she really like was also playing at this concert. So I called in, and signed her and I up. And she and I spent the entire next day together, first helping set up the show, then listening to the show and meeting some of the bands and their members, then helping tear it all down again. And boy were we physically sore later! But it was an excellent show, as far as hard rock shows go, Jesus name was lifted up by the various bands, and Ruthie and I had some good father daughter time (she’s 14 now). But it was also neat to me that Jesus/God actually heard my wistful prayer that I only prayed like twice, expressing my desire to attend this concert.

Here is an interesting development on the book publishing front. I discovered something. Udo Middleman, chairman of the Francis A. Schaeffer Foundation, also wrote a book called -The Innocence of God- and published it with an ISBN #, just a couple of months before I published my book by the same title (without an ISBN number). So I have to change the title of mine to -Exploring the Innocence of God-, then register it with an ISBN #. But he sent me a copy of his to review, and he will review mine as well and write a blurb for me.

But I remembered someone once telling me that when God does something, or when something is truly on His heart, more than one person will know about it. So it struck me to realize that two completely different Christian authors had written two completely separate books both entitled, -The Innocence of God- and published them within 6 months of each other. When I googled the phrase on the net, I discovered that other pastors have also preached sermons recently on this subject. I also found references to another book by the same name written clear back in the 30s, though I could not find an actual copy of it to review. How interesting is that?

On the work front, I have still been mostly unemployed, though finding a few odd jobs here and there. So I have been spending a lot of time developing products for, a new startup company I am trying to build to help people save gas by getting better mileage. I have really been enjoying the hands-on physical research side of this, developing various technologies like hydrogen cells and stuff. Unemployment compensation will not last forever, so I am trying to build something that can support us ( and to some extent the shop where I work), on a long term basis. I will be focused more on the publishing company next week, just juggling my time between them. Sooner or later, one of them will take off, or at least I am praying for. But it’s a lot of blood, sweat, and tears getting there…

2. Dreams.

So I have always talked about building a youth ranch or a home for children or somthing like that. And God finally gave me a home full of children, 3 years ago. And I am thankful. I have also talked about building a camp/prayer retreat for youth and wounded people. Now, God actually verbally told me to build a home for children, but not the camp. Working at a camp, or building one, has always been a lifelong dream of my own in the back of my mind. And it is not like there is not a need here for one. I know of multiple pastors who have prayed that one gets started up here. And though I have not heard that actual voice of God telling me to build one like I heard Him tell me about building a childrens home, my heart nevertheless yearns to do so.

We live in the midst of several pieces of property that would, if bought as a whole, make a beautiful little camp and retreat center. And most of these properties are all for sale right now.

But nothing has happened, and I have no resources of my own to do it with. So I have had to learn to sit still, focus on those things that I can do something about, and simply let God be God, and recognize that if He wants it to happen, it will, in His time, when He lays it on the right peoples hearts. Sometimes it is hard to let go of a dream like this, realizing that God might NOT make it happen at all… But that is His perogative. He IS God afterall.

So I have kinda put it all back in His hands. I was even going so far as considering moving completely out of the area, back closer to high tech jobs, family, warmer weather and so forth, but within one week of actually beginning to consider this seriously, I recieved four quick answers keeping me here. One was my wife Karen telling me that she finally felt a part of the community of Christian women here in Idaho City, plugged in, supported, and making a difference. I cannot uproot her when she is finally reached a point that she’s struggled to reach for three years here. The second thing was Sergei and his court consequences that was handed down this week. He is on probation here in Boise County for one full year. He cannot even travel to Boise for a day trip without telling his probation officer about it. The third thing came through random comments made by several of my kids recently, about wanting to graduate from Idaho City, and not someplace else. That surprised me. But they also told me that they have been in Idaho City Schools longer than any other school system in their entire school experience. There is stability in that, at a time when each of my kids is either struggling, or starting to approach it, with finding their identities in this world. And the fourth was the baptism of that girl last week, that we had had a part in her coming to Jesus – I realized that my family IS making a positive impact on our community. So I guess we are staying here, at least for now. Maybe the camp dream will eventually happen, maybe it won’t, but for the moment, we are here, and if and when God opens doors to a camp or retreat center, I will run with it. For the moment though, I will just have to be patient, while focusing on my own kids.

3. Tims musings.

I inadvertantly slammed one of our outside kittens paws in the door this morning when they tried to steal home plate, so to speak, and get inside to the indoor cat’s food bowl. Kittys foot was not well after getting slammed (it looked broke), and kittys cries were pitiful. So I bundled up kitty and brought it down to my office at the shop with me, fed it, loved on it, prayed over its leg/foot, and tried to keep it still. At first, it would not be still, and kept trying to get out of the box on the floor beside my feet, then running (or trying to) all over the place, limping on its suddenly somewhat better foot, and mewing pitifully. It frustrated me greatly that it would not just be still and let me minister to it. It is back in my lap now, after finally exhausting itself…

And it struck me how similarly we humans sometimes act. We disobey God and try to get away with stuff that we know is out of bounds. So we get the door slammed on us, sometimes breaking bones in the process. And then we wander around crying pitifully and causing more damage to ourselves, instead of simply resting in God’s presence quietly, and letting Him nurse our wounds for us. Eventually, we (or at least we should) as humans reach a point where we are exhausted, and we conk out, sleeping from sheer exhaustion and pain, finally letting God take care of things, instead of simply curling up in His lap right off the bat and letting Him take care of us. So why is it that sometimes, when we are in Gods lap, do we still insist on letting the pain get to us, and go repeatedly jumping out of His lap in blind search of something that we can’t even name? We would be so much better off to just grit our teeth and wait patiently for Him to finally gently put us down after full healing has occured and we are ready to stand on our own again.

For example, our housing situation. We are exactly where God led us. But if Karen and I freak out about each auction date as it comes up, and jump out of God’s lap and go blindly searching for a solution that we do not even recognize, just to escape the limbo, pain, and uncertainty of the situation, then we are going to frustrate God greatly, and delay our eventual healing and commission to go forth once again.

But the kitty situation could apply to so many other situations as well.

So my musing question to everyone today is simply this. If you are recovering from a deep wound, or are in a holding pattern in God’s lap waiting for something, are you being gracious about it, letting Him minister to you directly and work things out, or are you chomping at the bit, jumping repeatedly out His lap to chase posssible solutions and fanciful dreaming, and getting repeatedly slapped down for it and returned to Gods lap? Are you waiting on Him, or taking things into your own hands? Trust me, like with the wounded kitten in my lap right now, we are far better off waiting for clear direction from God, than we are in frantic commotion looking for a way out of whatever painful situation we are in, whether it be from discipline, consequences, or simply holding patterns before the next move/decision.

I am not talking about being lazy though. It is likewise true that God cannot steer a ship that is not moving. That is a situation where you have not been slapped down and you have some momentum going. God can more easily steer moving momentum, than lazy disobedience. I am talking here more about those time where we have specifically gotten slapped down hard, been deeply wounded, or are in a holding pattern that God clearly led you/us into, but has not clearly revealed the next step yet. In these times, wait. Wait on the Lord to move and give clear direction, be ready to move forward the instant He says to, and worship Him while you are waiting. Do not get frantic and lose your peace, or jump out of His lap in blind search of something. Just wait. And worship.

In Him,

Tim, Karen, and Kids Benedict


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